Today Is Friday.....

Friday excites me.  Friday means two days of not having to work. 

I like my job, don't get me wrong.  It frustrates the crap out of me sometimes, but overall the place I work is not bad at all.  It pays well, that's for sure.  And while I do wish that I was a stay at home mom, or rather a work at home mom, this job isn't so bad.

This weekend shall be fun.  Cleaning, sitting at home, watching the Jets fight for a chance to play in the Super Bowl sounds like fun, right?  Okay so my weekend doesn't have huge plans, but it does beat the alternative - work. 

Konnor will not be home this weekend.  That is good and bad.  I like to be able to have some toddler-free time, since he can be so rambunctious when confined in close quarters for an extended period of time, but I do tend to miss his royal cuteness.

I plan to finish mine and Justin's taxes this weekend.  That's fun, right??  With having Ariana this year, our returns will be hefty.  Which means I can pay people back and get my new camera!  Now THAT is exciting.  I think I have finalized my camera decision, which has changed a million times, so it will probably change again. 

Oh and I think my friend is having her birthday party this weekend.  Perhaps I should verify that so I don't miss it.  Haha.

Okay okay enough rambling from me for one post.  Notice I said post, not day. :P

Meet My Other Half...

Everyone, meet Justin.

Justin is my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. (no he doesn't wear these glasses all the time.  they are mine) We are not married.  Marriage is but a piece of paper.  What he is the father of my daughter. The love of my life. 

I don't give him enough credit. When I talk about him on my Facebook or on my Twitter, it's generally when I'm angry. Or hurt. Or sad. Really, no one gets to hear about how wonderful Justin is.

He is my other half. The person I was meant to be with. Through thick and thin, we were meant to be. He is the one.

Though I have had reservations in the past, questions in my mind, those no longer exist. We have had good times, bad times, and times where we were on level ground. Despite all the times we have had, he has been there. When I was unable to work while pregnant with Ariana, he stayed. When he was laid off and looking for a job, I stayed. Through my depression this last holiday season, he was there. Holding my hand. And while he never said it, he was cheering me on, telling me it would all be okay.

Most don't know our story. When we first met, it was online. *gasp* I know. Say what you will, but this seems more and more common as time goes on. Love has no boundaries and sure doesn't grasp the concept of distance. So, while I was here in Oregon living my life, he was in West Virginia living his.

At first when we talked, it was casual. That time in my life was full of chaos and mayhem, and an ear was all he could offer me. I took it. I told him about life and the choices I was making and while he was mostly amused, you could also tell there was a bit of concern.

We stopped talking for years. Probably 5 or 6 to say the least. We both lived our different lives, on different sides of the United States. It wasn't until I logged into Yahoo! on my cell phone that we reconnected. He IM'ed me and after a few hours of IMing him while at work, we exchanged numbers.

From there IMing turned to text and text turned to a phone call. The phone call. All night long (and I mean 9pm to 6am) we talked on the phone about everything. You name it, we talked about it. Even before I knew what was happening, we were falling.

Most people are cautious about love. Often holding back, they miss out on some of life's greatest opportunities. Just getting out of my relationship with my son's father, I was a little hesitant. But Justin and I were so right for each other.

Regardless of the distance, we made things work. From playing silly Yahoo! games on the internet, to simultaneously watching The Notebook while on the phone, we were a unique pair. I would leave cute messages on his MySpace, and he would send sweet text messages.

To make this long, adorable story short, not three months after we had started talking, and after a mini vacation to the east coast to visit him, he decided to move out to Oregon so we could be together. I took a flight to Illinois where he met me, and we drove the country together, through torrential downpours in one state, to high winds and country roads in another.

February 7th, 2010 marks two years since we made ourselves official. February 1st marks two years since we reunited and started talking again. Today we have a beautiful daughter to share our journey in life, and are closer than ever. Konnor and Justin adore each other, almost as much as Ariana and Justin do.

He picks up the kids everyday after work. Gets up with Ariana some nights when she doesn't sleep through. He is a good sport about my crazy ideas and even though he is a picky eater, he will try new things that I cook.  Shopping isn't one of his favorite things to do, but he will do it.  We are a team.

I love his smile.  His sense of humor.  The way he dresses.  His eyes.  When he is happy, mad, sad, upset, or being a pain in my ass, I still love him. 

Despite all of my mood swings and questions with our relationship, he is here. Always. Hopefully forever.

I love him. With every part of me that is capable of love.  Our journey in life thus far has tested us in so many way, and we have made it out on top.

Potty Breaks? Not For This Mommy...

It has become painfully clear that Mommy is not aloud to go potty. 

Leave the kids alone for 30 seconds and something is bound to happen.  Ariana eats an apple or rolls under the coffee table.  This kid is so mobile, and Konnor finds more and more ways to get them into trouble. 

I am going to have my hands full, aren't I?

Deeply Inhaling...

Sometimes life sends us on weird, crazy, absolutely terrible paths that seem bumpy and completely impassable.
Truth be told I thought I wasn't going to be able to get through the holiday blues this year. As each minute drug into an hour which later became a day, I wanted to curl up and be DONE with it all. Things couldn't get worse. Struggling to get up each day, running away seemed to be my only getaway.
Waiting for the inevitable, I watched the depression blanket my heart. Konnor and Ariana no longer seemed to warm my heart, and I thought for sure I was going to give up. I could see them drifting further and further away. Writing, blogging, photographing were all chores not, not happiness.  No fight left in me, I waited for the storm to pass. Or engulf me into eternal sadness.
As I waited, however, I realized something. My name is Alexandra. The one that ran away as a Sophomore. The same girl that dealt with death, sadness, divorce. I have a mother who has been to hell and back in life, and raising me was far from easy. Emotional as I may be, I am stubborn and strong. Why in the hell am I sitting here, feeling sorry for myself? I have been in worse situations. Now I am a mother, and life has thrown me curves, but those two little faces mean more to me than this world could ever give me.
Standing up and brushing myself off, my determination to get through this darkness in my life started.
Between positive thoughts and a strong support system, I broke through. Knowing that two little smiles, four beautiful eyes, and voices as loud as my own, needed me was what really pulled me. You see, one's heart is not really able to be full of sadness when you are consumed by so much unconditional love.
Over the last month or so, I have learned that I need to slow down. Take it all in. Realize that I have come so far to get where I am today. Things don't always go how I want them to, but that is part of life. For a moment in time I forgot the saying I live by: everything happens for a reason. Fact.
And all of a sudden, the little things, which is most important to me, matter again. I have a new appreciation for the world around me. Again, I am happy.

My Mommy....

Is following my blog now....

HIIIIII MOM!!!!!!

That is me and my momma on my 21st birthday

Happy New Year!!! 2010

Last night we put a close to another year. For me it was a year full of ups and downs that have taught me so much.

Everything happens for a reason.

Some things to reflect on....

 

1. Where were you ten years ago?

At the age of 12, almost 13, i was experiencing the joys of my period for the first time ever. I was also babysitting for a house party. There were around 10 kids and i made $40.

2. What have you accomplished in the last 10 years?

Wow, I would have to say quite a bit. I mean, I have managed to pop out two kids, break my mother's heart and mend it again, have my heart broken upteen times, and come out on top, work in a place that i'm not always happy at (but it pays the bills), live on my own, and learn some life lessons i'm not soon to forget.

 

Overall, the last ten years have really changed me. I guess at such a young age, that really is inevitable. Maybe in 40 years, my decades will be a little less adventerous, and my stories not quite so grand, but so long as i have my children (and wrinkles forbid grandchildren), I will remain happy. There is so much to come in the next decade and the one after that, that looking on the past is so short compared to the future.

 

3. The last year.... what are the highlights?

Two things come to mind here. Konnor starting preschool and Ariana's birth. Such huge milestones in my life, and great accomplishments. My kids are my world, and there is nothing I enjoy more than watching them grow, explore, and the bond they have formed and continue to form with each other.
 
 
4.  What is(are) your New Year's Resolution?

• lose this baby weight!
• remove the people who don't feel as if I matter in their lives from mine.
• make 2010 the year to remember!!

I have hopes.  I have dreams.  I have plans. 

Merry Christmas!!

After taking a couple weeks from blogging, I figured that I would write up a couple of posts.

My "enter" key is apparently not wanting to work, so this is aggravating. LOL.

Christmas was amazingly fun!  Ariana's first Christmas, and she really didn't give a crap about much of anything except for eating the wrapping paper.  Thankfully, her brother was there to open ALL of her presents, and even play with them for her, so the elves at the North Pole didn't slave away for nothing.

Nothing too exciting or fantastic, but here are some of the photos from our Christmases.  Christmas Day we went to my mom's and then on the Sunday following was the one at our house (because Justin worked Christmas day).

Holiday Traditions...

Holiday traditions are something I believe every family has. From what you eat to opening a Christmas present before you go to bed on Christmas eve, there is something that is done every year.

Growing up, I remember eating fondue and bread on Christmas eve. Ham for Christmas dinner, and being able to open our stocking before everyone else got out of bed. My mom would buy each of her children a Christmas ornament to put on the tree every year, and years later, we still put those ornaments up.

When Konnor was born, I wasn't sure what tradition I was going to start. Wanting something that could be a tradition forever, I pondered the thought of ornaments. Nah, that had been done. Specific foods? Not possible since my grandma still insisted on us being at home for dinner.

It didn't occur to me when I bought Konnor Christmas-themed pajamas in 2006 that this would be my tradition from year to year. To be honest, 2007 came and went and I didn't realize then what I was really doing. Not until I went shopping for Christmas jammies in 2008 did I realize that there was a theme. A yearly routine that I had started. A tradition.

That was it. I adopted it. My tradition was now buying Christmas jammies that Konnor could wake up wearing on Christmas morning to open his presents. Something that could go on until he was older, seeing as there are jammies for all ages.

This year, I already have Ariana's Christmas jammies, and need to get Konnor's yet. This tradition is something that is unique. And totally me. While I can't find 2007's Christmas pictures, Konnor wore Disney's Cars themed Christmas jammies. They were his fav!!

What are your holiday traditions? I would love to hear them! I find it fascinating how everyone celebrates the holiday in their own special, unique ways. :)

From my family to yours: Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and please be safe!!!

Monday Mingle -- Farewell 2009!!!

Welcome to the final Monday Mingle of 2009 here on The JAKA Files!!  This was done in a rush as Ariana was fussy and ready for bed.  None the less, enjoy. 

Have a safe and happy holidays and a great New Year!!  I may throw together a video or two due to my sheer joy of doing my weekly mingles, but we shall see.  Lately, I have been busy girl with the approaching holidays, so no promises!

Last but not least, please visit 80 MPH Mom to see all the other minglers.

:o)

A Not So Wordless Wednesday....

So I understand this is suppose to be Wordless Wednesday, but for the love, I can't help myself.

You see, I had this amazingly adorable picture of my kiddos passed out on the couch.  It was adorable, and I knew that it was my WW picture.  No doubt in my mind.

Until I was uploading pictures onto Shutterfly and Ariana was getting really pissed on the floor.  Picking her up, she sat contently on my lap at the computer.  For a moment.  Then, she decided she wanted to Tweet too.  And Tweet she did, that little bugger. :)

After her keyboard bashing, we may or may not have had to restart the computer to get the monitor to work correctly.  And I may or may not have to figure out how to fix the internet screen size.  Still wondering why I don't get a taskbar for my different windows at the bottom of the screen.

Whoops!  Bright side?  Daddy can't get mad at his little angel!!

Want more Wordless Wednesday?  Check out 5 Minutes for Mom, Extraordinary Mothers, MomSpective, & J. Leigh Designs.

Something Is Up...

These two have a bond that I have never, in my twenty-two years of life, witnessed.  At least not that I can recall.  Love love love them!!

Konnor has on his Halloween costume (best $25 investment I've made, thank you very much!) and Ariana was, far as i can tell, trying to eat it?? I don't know.. I suppose they understood what was going on, even if I didn't.

Life Without A Man....

Seems weird to say it, but it's rather peaceful with Justin visiting family on the east coast.  Sure, taking care of the kiddos all by myself sucks, but it isn't too much different comparing when he's here.  He will pick them up from daycare, but for the most part, I tend to do all the work.

The most enjoyable part is that I can clean and not get frustrated that I am the only one cleaning.  Having the bed all to myself was great, until I realized how hard it is to sleep without Justin by my side.  I don't think I have been awake so much during the night since the first week Ariana was home.

Speaking of which, Ariana turned 6 months old yesterday! Wow.  Hard to believe she has been with us for one half of a whole year.  It's hard to remember life without her at this point, and that girl can tug at my heart all day everyday.  Loves to my baby girl! 

Justin called me yesterday to chit chat.  Having him so far away reminds me of how things were before he moved out here.  Sure, it sucked because he was so far away, but now it's kind of a relief.

Okay, I'm done rambling.  Really, I just needed a good starter post.  Something is bothering me, and I'm working on figuring out just what that is.

Tootles!

Happy Belated Monday Mingle!!!

Late, per usual.  Lol!  However, I did make it this week.  That accounts for something, right??  Lol, head on over to 80 MPH Mom for other fabulous minglers!  She is the queen of MM and hosts it every week for us!

Without further ado, here we goooo!! (And my editing sucks, sorry, Konnor was being a turd and Movie Maker didn't like my file format.  Le Sigh)

And it was Neve Campbell!! People used to say I looked like her..

And here is the horrendous pic of my face.. See that cheek?  Yeah... I had a fat bruise for a few days too. I'll post that pic some other time.  This is enough humiliation for one day :)

Sibling Love... How Powerful!!

This morning, I witnessed something absolutely spectacular. There is no other way to put it.

Normally, when Ariana cries, Konnor attempts to calm her down by talking to her or playing with her. His love for his baby sister is out of this world, and tends to bring a tear to my eye. They will be great friends, I can see this.

However, the tables changed this morning. It was no longer Konnor that was concerned about Ariana, but Ariana who was concerned about her big brother. He wasn't listening and was sent to time out, which sent him into a fit of crocodile tears. Ariana, who was playing with a toy, dropped it at the first sound of her brother crying, and turned her head in his direction.

Watching this interaction pulled at my heartstrings. She was trying to find him, and nothing else could grab her attention. I tried to give her toy back, but she would pay no attention to me. She kept staring down that hallway, looking for her crying brother, who she couldn't see.

After Konnor's timeout, he came in to his concerned sister, and gave her a hug and kiss. Dismissing the thought that something was wrong, Ariana went back to her toy and continued playing.

How amazing is it to watch siblings interact? My 3 1/2 year old trying to comfort and be concerned with his baby sister is one thing, but for my 6 month old being deeply concerned about her big brother is something amazing.

I Chose This Life...

I was recently asked an absolutely outlandish question by someone I considered to be a friend.  Some may not feel this question is so out of line, but it took me by surprise.

A friend asked me if I would ever give my kids up for adoption in turn for the life of partying that I used to have.  If i regretted my children or the choices in my life.

Perhaps this question was asked because she, herself, has a two year-old.  And maybe she, since she broke up with his father, is questioning whether keeping her child was the right route to take.  Lately, she has been (excuse my language) "whoring around" and partying like we did when we were in high school. 

I was not a good teenager.  Haha.  I think most of my mother's gray hairs were thanks to me and my crazy days.  Me and this friend used to party a lot, though we never got into any trouble with the law.  Probably should have, but we got lucky.

When I got pregnant with Konnor, of course I stopped everything.  The smoking, the drinking, the parties, and even hanging out with most of those people.  It was all different for me.  From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I went into "mommy mode." No questions asked, that's just where I knew I needed to be.  All my life I wanted to be a mom.  Taking care of my younger siblings growing up gave me a lot of the wisdom and strength in mommyhood that I have.

Anyways, back on topic here.  Without hesitation, my answer to her was "no."  I don't feel that you should live life with regrets.  You take everything that is throw at you, good or bad, and you grow from it.  Learn from the mistakes you make, cherish the good times, brush off the bad.  Don't let your past come back and bring you down.  Everything happens for a reason, and that is a quote that I have come to live by.

I know that if I wouldn't have been stupid and done crazy dumb things when I was younger, I wouldn't have my children.  I would have never met Justin.  Who knows where I would be and what I would be doing, but I know that I wouldn't be where I am.  Who cares what my life would have been like if I would have done this or that differently.  Living my life the way I wanted to has brought me where I am today.  I can honestly say that I am happy.  We may not have a ton of money, but we are living.  The kids may not have or get everything they want, but if they did, they would be spoiled. 

Growing up in a family without a lot of money, I can comprehend the value of a dollar.  I can make that dollar stretch.  Not everyone can say that.  That's okay with me.  Every decision that I have ever made, I can stand by.  I may not be proud of all of them, but they were my own, and I can embrace that ownership.

Okay, rant over.

Wordless Wednesday: Halloween Style

I'll never finish my Halloween post, so here's a pic of my kiddos. HA!

Check out

2 Of A Kind, J. Leigh Designs, and Kristin for more Wordless Wednesdays!!