Deeply Inhaling...

Sometimes life sends us on weird, crazy, absolutely terrible paths that seem bumpy and completely impassable.
Truth be told I thought I wasn't going to be able to get through the holiday blues this year. As each minute drug into an hour which later became a day, I wanted to curl up and be DONE with it all. Things couldn't get worse. Struggling to get up each day, running away seemed to be my only getaway.
Waiting for the inevitable, I watched the depression blanket my heart. Konnor and Ariana no longer seemed to warm my heart, and I thought for sure I was going to give up. I could see them drifting further and further away. Writing, blogging, photographing were all chores not, not happiness.  No fight left in me, I waited for the storm to pass. Or engulf me into eternal sadness.
As I waited, however, I realized something. My name is Alexandra. The one that ran away as a Sophomore. The same girl that dealt with death, sadness, divorce. I have a mother who has been to hell and back in life, and raising me was far from easy. Emotional as I may be, I am stubborn and strong. Why in the hell am I sitting here, feeling sorry for myself? I have been in worse situations. Now I am a mother, and life has thrown me curves, but those two little faces mean more to me than this world could ever give me.
Standing up and brushing myself off, my determination to get through this darkness in my life started.
Between positive thoughts and a strong support system, I broke through. Knowing that two little smiles, four beautiful eyes, and voices as loud as my own, needed me was what really pulled me. You see, one's heart is not really able to be full of sadness when you are consumed by so much unconditional love.
Over the last month or so, I have learned that I need to slow down. Take it all in. Realize that I have come so far to get where I am today. Things don't always go how I want them to, but that is part of life. For a moment in time I forgot the saying I live by: everything happens for a reason. Fact.
And all of a sudden, the little things, which is most important to me, matter again. I have a new appreciation for the world around me. Again, I am happy.

Happy New Year!!! 2010

Last night we put a close to another year. For me it was a year full of ups and downs that have taught me so much.

Everything happens for a reason.

Some things to reflect on....

 

1. Where were you ten years ago?

At the age of 12, almost 13, i was experiencing the joys of my period for the first time ever. I was also babysitting for a house party. There were around 10 kids and i made $40.

2. What have you accomplished in the last 10 years?

Wow, I would have to say quite a bit. I mean, I have managed to pop out two kids, break my mother's heart and mend it again, have my heart broken upteen times, and come out on top, work in a place that i'm not always happy at (but it pays the bills), live on my own, and learn some life lessons i'm not soon to forget.

 

Overall, the last ten years have really changed me. I guess at such a young age, that really is inevitable. Maybe in 40 years, my decades will be a little less adventerous, and my stories not quite so grand, but so long as i have my children (and wrinkles forbid grandchildren), I will remain happy. There is so much to come in the next decade and the one after that, that looking on the past is so short compared to the future.

 

3. The last year.... what are the highlights?

Two things come to mind here. Konnor starting preschool and Ariana's birth. Such huge milestones in my life, and great accomplishments. My kids are my world, and there is nothing I enjoy more than watching them grow, explore, and the bond they have formed and continue to form with each other.
 
 
4.  What is(are) your New Year's Resolution?

• lose this baby weight!
• remove the people who don't feel as if I matter in their lives from mine.
• make 2010 the year to remember!!

I have hopes.  I have dreams.  I have plans. 

Merry Christmas!!

After taking a couple weeks from blogging, I figured that I would write up a couple of posts.

My "enter" key is apparently not wanting to work, so this is aggravating. LOL.

Christmas was amazingly fun!  Ariana's first Christmas, and she really didn't give a crap about much of anything except for eating the wrapping paper.  Thankfully, her brother was there to open ALL of her presents, and even play with them for her, so the elves at the North Pole didn't slave away for nothing.

Nothing too exciting or fantastic, but here are some of the photos from our Christmases.  Christmas Day we went to my mom's and then on the Sunday following was the one at our house (because Justin worked Christmas day).

Holiday Traditions...

Holiday traditions are something I believe every family has. From what you eat to opening a Christmas present before you go to bed on Christmas eve, there is something that is done every year.

Growing up, I remember eating fondue and bread on Christmas eve. Ham for Christmas dinner, and being able to open our stocking before everyone else got out of bed. My mom would buy each of her children a Christmas ornament to put on the tree every year, and years later, we still put those ornaments up.

When Konnor was born, I wasn't sure what tradition I was going to start. Wanting something that could be a tradition forever, I pondered the thought of ornaments. Nah, that had been done. Specific foods? Not possible since my grandma still insisted on us being at home for dinner.

It didn't occur to me when I bought Konnor Christmas-themed pajamas in 2006 that this would be my tradition from year to year. To be honest, 2007 came and went and I didn't realize then what I was really doing. Not until I went shopping for Christmas jammies in 2008 did I realize that there was a theme. A yearly routine that I had started. A tradition.

That was it. I adopted it. My tradition was now buying Christmas jammies that Konnor could wake up wearing on Christmas morning to open his presents. Something that could go on until he was older, seeing as there are jammies for all ages.

This year, I already have Ariana's Christmas jammies, and need to get Konnor's yet. This tradition is something that is unique. And totally me. While I can't find 2007's Christmas pictures, Konnor wore Disney's Cars themed Christmas jammies. They were his fav!!

What are your holiday traditions? I would love to hear them! I find it fascinating how everyone celebrates the holiday in their own special, unique ways. :)

From my family to yours: Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and please be safe!!!

Monday Mingle -- Farewell 2009!!!

Welcome to the final Monday Mingle of 2009 here on The JAKA Files!!  This was done in a rush as Ariana was fussy and ready for bed.  None the less, enjoy. 

Have a safe and happy holidays and a great New Year!!  I may throw together a video or two due to my sheer joy of doing my weekly mingles, but we shall see.  Lately, I have been busy girl with the approaching holidays, so no promises!

Last but not least, please visit 80 MPH Mom to see all the other minglers.

:o)

I Came Back!!

After a little over a week since having the teeth yanked (and I took a few days before hand to prep for it), I am back!!  Yay, right?  Lol.  Almost fully off the drugs (pain pills, people!), my head is finally in a clear enough state for me to write again.  That last post......... Totally don't remember actually writing it, much less posting.  Yikes!

So having wisdom teeth pulled sure does make you feel stupid for a while.  Thanks Mr. Oral Surgeon for contributing to that.  Honestly though, I was out of it for at least a week.  Trying to remember what events occurred is next to impossible.  Including my going to work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Did everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving?  Lots of turkey, mashed potatoes, and PIE??? Mmmm, pie!  My favorite dish of Thanksgiving is the cranberry sauce.  Yummmmmmy!

Whelp, I have a couple things coming up here.  Couple videos of the monster children, and I *need* to get my Monday Mingle done.  With that said, I'm off!

~Alex