Thursday, November 5, 2009

I Chose This Life...

I was recently asked an absolutely outlandish question by someone I considered to be a friend.  Some may not feel this question is so out of line, but it took me by surprise.

A friend asked me if I would ever give my kids up for adoption in turn for the life of partying that I used to have.  If i regretted my children or the choices in my life.

Perhaps this question was asked because she, herself, has a two year-old.  And maybe she, since she broke up with his father, is questioning whether keeping her child was the right route to take.  Lately, she has been (excuse my language) "whoring around" and partying like we did when we were in high school. 

I was not a good teenager.  Haha.  I think most of my mother's gray hairs were thanks to me and my crazy days.  Me and this friend used to party a lot, though we never got into any trouble with the law.  Probably should have, but we got lucky.

When I got pregnant with Konnor, of course I stopped everything.  The smoking, the drinking, the parties, and even hanging out with most of those people.  It was all different for me.  From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I went into "mommy mode." No questions asked, that's just where I knew I needed to be.  All my life I wanted to be a mom.  Taking care of my younger siblings growing up gave me a lot of the wisdom and strength in mommyhood that I have.

Anyways, back on topic here.  Without hesitation, my answer to her was "no."  I don't feel that you should live life with regrets.  You take everything that is throw at you, good or bad, and you grow from it.  Learn from the mistakes you make, cherish the good times, brush off the bad.  Don't let your past come back and bring you down.  Everything happens for a reason, and that is a quote that I have come to live by.

I know that if I wouldn't have been stupid and done crazy dumb things when I was younger, I wouldn't have my children.  I would have never met Justin.  Who knows where I would be and what I would be doing, but I know that I wouldn't be where I am.  Who cares what my life would have been like if I would have done this or that differently.  Living my life the way I wanted to has brought me where I am today.  I can honestly say that I am happy.  We may not have a ton of money, but we are living.  The kids may not have or get everything they want, but if they did, they would be spoiled. 

Growing up in a family without a lot of money, I can comprehend the value of a dollar.  I can make that dollar stretch.  Not everyone can say that.  That's okay with me.  Every decision that I have ever made, I can stand by.  I may not be proud of all of them, but they were my own, and I can embrace that ownership.

Okay, rant over.