I Bought A Present For ME!!

Ever since I had Konnor, I have never been at the top of the priority list.  Purposely putting myself after others, I don't often have the newest clothes, the coolest phone, or other spiffy things.

Yesterday, I bought a laptop.  Four hundred dollars of something just for me!  After purchasing my new Toshiba, I am feeling the normal guilt that I feel after buying something for myself.

After battling with myself, "oh that $400 could have gone here or we could have done this," I took a step back.  No, really, this was a good investment.  With Justin on the computer as much as he is, I need this. 

What do I need a laptop for?

Well I really need it to keep up on JAKA365, which is my photo blog.  If you haven't seen it, check it out!

But I also need it to keep up with this blog.  If I have the desire to start reviews, the need for my own computer is pretty obvious.

More than anything, though, I wanted my own computer so that I could access the internet when I wanted to.  My phone's internet isn't fast nor reliable, and to be honest, typing with a Blackberry isn't fun.  Haha.

So here she is.  My new computer.  Nothing grand.  Nothing fancy.  Nothing to drop your jaw over.  Honestly, though, I don't need any of that.  Just something simple to blog and edit photos with. :)

Friendships Lost After I Became "Mom"

Being a mother for almost four years teaches you a lot.

You learn the true meaning of life.

There is an overwhelming force that drives you to keep your child(ren) safe.

Unconditional love is no longer something you imagine, but something that you can feel.

You realize that priorities change. Life rearranges. The world no longer revolves around you.

The true meaning of friendship becomes apparent. Those without children can never understand what a parent feels.

Relationships change. Diminish. Disappear. It hurts - at first.

Then you realize. They aren't true friends if they let your bundle of joy get in between the two of you.

I remember the friends I had. The relationship that I lost. I was 19 when I had Konnor. Barely out of school. At first, I could pawn him off on my mom to watch while I had fun from time to time. Mostly at her house, while Konnor slept in my room.

Looking back, I sucked at being a mom. I thought I was hot shit, when in reality, there was nothing hot about my relationship with my son. Sure, he knew who his mommy was, and he loved everything about me, but I wasn't the best.

In almost four years, I have come so far. Honestly, I can say that I am proud of who I am. The mother I am. A woman. I have grown up.

Sometimes I find myself reminiscing about the times I could party, spend all my money on myself, and quite frankly, not give a shit. I have driven under the influence, spent most my money on booze, and am a recovering nicotine addict. Sadly enough, some of the people who I used to hang out with still do all these things, and some do more.

Which happened, I couldn't tell you, because it still stings when I think about the friendships I lost. Was it me pushing them away or was it the other way around? Looking out for the best interest of my baby, I started to stray away from those that were negative influences.

Supposing it was mutual, why? Apparently, our friendship wasn't strong enough to overcome the most adorable baby ever. Because I was no longer able to party when I wanted, hang out when I wanted, or spend lots of money on things that I didn't need, they split. Just like that, they dropped me.

Some friends, huh?

Since then, the only new friends I have made have been moms. The people who get me. Who understand where I am coming from, and respect the fact that I am unable to drop my kids off somewhere at the flick of a finger or leave them with an imaginary babysitter to go out to the bar on a Saturday night. They also respect the fact that I don't use my boyfriend as a live-in babysitter.

Having children has tough me a lot about my life. But my children have also helped me cut out a lot of people in my life that never really mattered.


Stay tuned, Part 2 of this is coming up.......